It is funny how I find myself missing you despite knowing that I will see you this evening. My new office is much like the old one, only at least this time we both think my job is worthwhile!
My love, you are the center of my life. You ask me why some women feel like they lose part of themselves by embracing the gift of bearing life, or of becoming one with their husbands in such a way that they devote themselves entirely to them. My only answer comes from my own experience with you. Giving you all of my time, energy, and devotion has been a very big challenge, and I admit that I have lost part of myself to it. However, as I think about the part that I am losing, I look at what precisely that part of me let me do. It let me play video games and forget you for a time. I was able to disappear for hours and not worry about other people. The thought of being responsible for another life, other than my own, was the farthest conception possible to this part of me. I was also able to daydream about my own success, to think about future conquests and imagine myself in a way as my own master and possessor, beholden to none and admired by all.
But that part is fading away, thanks to you. I can’t see myself without seeing you and our child with me. My success now looks only to yours, and that of our baby. The thought of trivial pursuits only makes me grimace at the wasted time that could be with the both of you. And suddenly my life pales when compared with maintaining that of my beautiful family. Who is this person who doesn’t care about himself anymore my love? He is a stranger to me, and yet without him I feel like I have lost myself. Yet even more disturbing is that I enjoy the company of the man who loves you, he stands taller, and smiles more knowingly when he looks at me through the mirror. Is this a man, where once was only a boy? The horizon expands beyond my paltry daydreams, and I see the possibility at once for greatness. It is in you, in our family, in the love that we are trying to share with our child, that suddenly it makes sense. Life is a gift, and it is meant to be shared. Beyond it, there is love, which is at its root. What else is there but to maintain that and watch these petty attempts to destroy the family dissolve?
But my love, they aren’t so petty as I think about it. Look where we are, and what is happening today. What happens if the family itself becomes a pariah? Where will we be then as social outcasts, the bedrock of society? We must, I hope endure, and speak with others about being one, so that we can be many in a culture. I fear that it is too far gone, and that we but wait to fade, and with us humanity as well.
I digress. These women I think fear to lose themselves, ironically closing themselves off from the one place in which they truly reside. And a question springs to my mind, Darling, what could have possibly led them to think this way? Why is it that children, family, and intimate conjugal dependence are now considered “oppressive”?
I leave you with my questions and my love,
Your Dear Philosopher