At last we are together on our summer getaway. Your proximity to me has made my hand slack, and thus I write to you nearly two weeks after I received your last letter.
Dearest, being close to you has given me time to think about being close to you; to wonder at the fact that your nearness can sometimes make me forget you. How interesting that we can be so close and so far! How special must this connection be that a man can almost imperceptibly slip into a nervousness around his wife? As if you should ever be a stranger to me– the heartstring to my beating heart! And yet it has happened, I have held back part of myself from you, I fear risking myself to you again and we drift…
What an odd thing to see you as a risk. You, who love me when I sorely mistreat you. You, who accept my faults though I would hide them from you. You, who stand by my side when I am lost. Even now I hold back, and I am trying to tell you that I love you. It is a wonder that God would place the treasure of this security in such an unexpected repository– risky love. To give you my all I must wager my all. To feel the safety of your embrace, I must expose my greatest vulnerabilities. When I do anything less, the walls shake and the foundation rolls; my house crumbles. It is the rock trying to walk on water all over again–would that he and I believed!
A continuing voyage, this marriage.
My darling you are the far seas that sweep my imagination into fantasies of daring-do, and you are the welcoming coast that bespeaks rest after the fight. What a mystery for me to embrace, my wife. I thank God for you and your inexhaustibly deep presence in my life.
Today I begin (again!) trying to lose myself in you so that we can find each other. I think this could be the whole reason for our vacation– sometimes this flame must be nurtured and tended apart from the world. We are young in our life together, let us live thus vibrantly with the wisdom of the old. Just as you are a mystery to me, one in which things that seem exclusive are yet combined, marriage too can be a combination of contradictions. It can have sprightly vigor and patient austerity. It can combine intensity and endurance. It can be the riskiest and the most secure. But it is likely that we can only work on one thing at a time!
So let us live and love these next weeks my dearest! Forget the world and risk everything with me by giving all to each other.
I am forever,